trauma

The People Pleaser's Guide to Setting Boundaries

The People Pleaser's Guide to Setting Boundaries

Boundaries. Let’s talk about them, let’s get comfortable talking about them. When we get comfortable talking about boundaries, we get more comfortable setting boundaries.

It sounds simple, but for many of us, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable. You see, it was also ingrained in many of us as kids that setting boundaries causes feelings to be hurt. “Give grandpa a kiss or you’ll hurt his feelings!” “Lisa asked you over for a play date, if you don’t go it will hurt her feelings.”

Trauma in a Child's Mind

Trauma in a Child's Mind

It is also important to remember in thinking about your own childhood traumas or a trauma experienced by your child, that children define events differently than we do as adults. I think back to an incident in my own childhood where I was playing outside and went in to the yard of a house near by to say hello to a dog in the yard. The dog jumped on my back, bigger than I was, and knocked me down. For some, this incident might have instilled a lifelong fear of dogs, but in my 5-year-old brain I defined the event as the dog giving me a hug.